


Unrequited Feelings

by blackbirdandcat



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Drinking, Drunk confessions, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Pokemon - Freeform, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 15:52:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9555953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackbirdandcat/pseuds/blackbirdandcat
Summary: Warnings: Drug, alcohol and language usage! A/N: It's set in college, it's popular for the AU's kinda like them. Though.....you are not currently taking a class as you couldn't afford to go this semester so you are just working to be able to afford the next semester of school. You live with a horse-boy. . .I'm new to AoT so if people are out of character it's just because I'm new to them, I do try my best to make people in character for the story realm they are in. :D || e/c = eye color, h/c = hair color





	

“ **Hey**!” You were day dreaming but all the sudden a cell phone was shoved into your face and a loud voice knocked you out of your day dreams.

    

    All the sudden your (e/c) eyes focused on a picture that was sent by Eren Jeager via text message to your roommate's phone. Your eyes went wide as you took in the picture, it was from the recent game Pokemon Go. It was a horse one – Rapidash you knew the Pokemon-verse fairly well so you recognized the creature easily. But what you didn't notice at first was that Eren had changed the nickname of the Pokemon to _Jean-Boy_. It took a lot for you not to bust out with a laugh, biting your lower lip you glanced your large eyes up at him.

    

    “It's not funny, (name)!” He shouted his face was red with anger, he was gripping the cell-phone tightly, quickly you pried the phone free from his grasp before he broke yet another phone screen.

    

    Eren had the effect on Jean no matter where the guy was to piss him off to no ends. The phone buzzed in your hands you looked down reading the message from Eren.

    

    “It's all over Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram oh and the school's site as well. Enjoy _~~_ ” Read the text, Jean grabbed the phone from you and read it.

    

    “FUCK HIM!”

    

    “Calm down Jean. Just make one for him. I'm sure you can catch a magikarp somewhere nearby, it's the one of the most useless ones around. Label it Suicidal Idiot then send it to him.” You said giving him a broad smile, it was fun to pit them against each other sometimes.

    

    “This phone can't play the game. . .” He said in defeat looking at the cheap prepaid phone.

    

    “Use mine then. I play, just don't catch any more pidgeys.” You said handing your phone over to him, opening up the program.

    

    “How do I play?” He asked as the screen loaded, servers up and running smoothly for once.

    

    You spent the next five minutes giving him a run down on the game play showing him how to catch a random Meowth that entered into the apartment. He had a knack for catching the Pokemon with one toss of the Poke-ball, which was good you were low on poke-balls. You slacked on the poke-stop rounds for the last two days, being stuck inside with all the rain. There was some kids around the campus playing that wore special gear to keep themselves from getting drenched and waterproofing their phones and such. You weren't that big into the game.

    

    “Where would I find that fish?” He asked, once Jean had it in his mind to do something he generally stuck with it to the end, though sometimes that could be bad.

    

    “Well since it's been raining like no tomorrow any spot with a lot of water should do the ticket. So behind the apartments with that sloping parking lot that floods all the time, probably will catch a few.”

    

    “You coming with me (name)?” He asked, slipping on a coat intense brown eyes staring at you.

    

    “I trust you not to break my phone, Eren doesn't text me. I am tired.” You said shrugging your shoulders, waving at him to leave.

    

    “Well did you find those poems and stuff for me?” He asked as he lit up a cigarette, opening the front door.

    

    “Working on it.” You said softly as he closed the door.

    

    In front of you at the desk was a pile of books, papers, sticky-notes and a laptop that was covered with otaku related stickers. You had been working on a project for Jean not a school project you couldn't fathom half of his engineering homework – though he couldn't fathom a inch of your biology work. This was something you minored in before you dropped the class – English so to him you were the closest thing to a professor he could con in for the price of a ice coffee from Starbucks.

    

    You have known Jean Kirstein since high school along with Marco Bott and during college you met a bunch of the others in your strange gang at Kyojin University. You, Jean and Marco were like the Three Musketeers, inseparable all of high school. For your Junior year Eren Jeager and Mikasa Ackerman moved into the neighborhood and became school mates. Marco got along with everyone so new people was great for him, he showed them around the school grounds and all the tricks of the place. Jean and Eren butted heads the second them met – it was like they were fated to never get along. Perhaps they were a lot alike in many ways that they just clashed? You could never really understand it. The dynamic between them provided a lot of laughs for you though some heartache as Jean would come back to your hang out in your tree house looking bruised or bloodied from a physical fight. You would calmly clean up the wounds and chastise him for the fights while trying not to laugh over it as sometimes it was funny no matter how much it bothered you. It wasn't until science class you were given partners normally being the top student in that class you got to pick your partners and whatever you wanted. But for some reason Professor Zoe was in a bad mood and assigned partners on their own. You normally did odds and evens to pick between Marco and Jean for the assignment if it was for pairs. Though to be honest if it was really hard you picked Jean because he struggled greatly in science, you swear he cried during your first dissection.

    

    But Professor Zoe picked the new girl as your partner, Mikasa Ackerman – that caused her step brother Eren to pout angrily as he expected to be paired with her. It was then you noticed that your friendship with Jean change, the look he gave Mikasa made your chest tighten up painfully. It was such a envious look and for some odd reason you couldn't pin on why it bothered you so. Did he want to be with you that bad for this assignment? That was your first foolish thought – a innocent teenager. The assignment was going to take several weeks, so about five minutes after class ended for the day you were attacked by Jean. He wanted to know everything and anything about Mikasa from the half an hour you spent with her going over science related stuff not life stuff. He pressed you all the way home, on the bus, the short walk down your road and glared at Marco who laughed as you glared at the ground before your feet. Jean wouldn't take, “we just talked about science! Go talk to her yourself!” for a good enough answer. He wanted to know more. It started to irk you – what was so awe inspiring about her? She was silent, covered most of herself up in a large scarf muttered her answers only when necessary making you do all the taking for the class.

    

    It became bothersome as Jean wanted you to become best friends with her so he could learn more about her. He was infatuated with her it took Marco teasing him about it for you to really realize it. Jean smacked Marco playfully saying that she was a classy beauty and there was just something about her that struck him as wonderful. You slammed the door to your room loudly Jean slamming his face into the door as he was following you into your room to talk more about Mikasa. Locking your door and turning up the music you ignored Jean as he fought with the door and Marco who dragged him out of the house to their own respective homes.

    

    Regardless to say Jean never made it with Mikasa due to her strange loyalty to Eren which made you wonder if she didn't actually have romantic feelings for him. Her cold personality made it sort of hard for you to be friends with her beyond the little togetherness you need to do your science project. It turned out that she and Eren made it to the same college as the three of you so Jean's pursuit of Mikasa continued. He was set that she never dated anyone so that meant he had a chance no matter what, even with some others saying that she might not like men. The thing is he always tried out his “get her to say yes” scenarios on you, Marco flat out right refused this when Jean had asked for his help saying that he would always say yes to him so it wouldn't be realistic. So you were the only other person Jean trusted enough for this most important project. So ever since his Senior year when he decided he needed help to get Mikasa to say yes you've been in silent torture.

    

    _Yes, you had feelings for him._ With every scenario he brought up to test on you to see if it would work on Mikasa you felt yourself falling more in love with him than the time before. But he had only eyes for Mikasa. Mikasa, Mikasa, Mikasa. . .it was all you ever heard when he was thinking about love. There was a time when you banned the “M” word from conversations it made you a bit bitter but being Jean's best friend you did your best to mask it. Knowing that things couldn't be anything more than friends with him you decided as long as he was happy you would be happy.

    

    Once you went to college Jean had hit a wall with Mikasa and cried to you one drunken night that he would never find anyone as wonderful as she. You felt like your heart was being stabbed so many times – you a female as well was being brushed off because you couldn't stand a light to wonderful Mikasa. You began to resent the female with all of your being. But your mask of being friendly with her to help your best friend try and date her remain steadfast. One would suspect you going to school to be a actress. You wished you could create a serum that would eliminate your feelings for Jean – well any feelings in general because then maybe things would be okay.

    

    Your current project surrounded the fact that Armin told Jean that he saw Mikasa reading poetry the other day in the library. Of course the timid boy didn't say that willingly Jean scared it out of him when he mentioned that he had gone to pick up Mikasa from the library so they could go grocery shopping together. The egghead didn't think it through that saying the “M” word would make Jean become a blood hound for information. So Jean wanted you to find some loving poetry for him to learn and recite to her outside her bedroom window. You were a fan of poetry as well but more of the darker stuff like Edgar Allen Poe – not Shakespeare. So getting in the mindset for this was a bit harder and you didn't have the heart for it. In your hopes to clear your head of your feelings for Jean you asked Reiner out for a date and got rejected so fast it wasn't even funny. So you were feeling a lot bitter towards love right now. Your music play list was all angry and loud music that channeled your inner spirit of rage towards the problems of loves.

    

    “You are death gripping that stress ball again. . .” Marco said, as he tugged gently on your (h/c) hair.

    

    “Oh. . .Hey Marco – Jean's out hunting Pokemon.” You said absentmindedly, clicking open a few tabs on the computer screen attempting to work on your project.

    

    “Yeah, he's chasing around some horse Pokemon.” Marco said fondly a smile playing on his lips as he peered over the computer screen. “Love poems?”

    

    “Mikasa.” You said shortly, it was all Marco needed to know for him to understand you were on a Jean project.

    

    “Love poems aren't your thing really. Aren't you ever going to say anything?” He asked, the midday's sunlight playing off his freckled face making him look more saintly.

    

    “Tell him what?” You questioned, you had worked hard to keep all your loving emotions out of view from everybody even from the very perceptible Marco.

    

    “That you are done playing his test subject – you've been doing this since Senior year of high school, (name). We have one more year of college left – so you are either more of a saint than I am or you are a masochist.”

    

    “Well I am not a saint. . .” You mused under your breath as you clicked through a various pile of links on tumblr.

    

    “Well we then know the answer.” He replied, placing a large hand on your narrow shoulders squeezing gently conveying a sense of understanding and warmth through them.

    

    Had you been looking at Marco you would have noticed the look on his face though if you had he would have wiped that look clean of his beautiful freckled face and gone a deep shade of red and walked off. It was a pleased, happy look a calm at peace with everything look it often graced his face when he looked at you. It was hard for Marco to know when he actually developed feelings for you that went beyond friends, perhaps it was during prom when Jean and Eren ruined your seven layer cake. You rushed over to Marco in tears over the cake that the two ruined after having a dance-off contest ending them up falling off the stage and knocking over the cake that you labored hours over. It was a birthday cake for Sasha, she was in the hospital for her birthday and no one was able to celebrate it properly so you went out of your way to make the most wonderful cake for your food loving friend. The fact that you had gone out of your way to make this cake for someone touched him, how you got upset that Jean ruined the suit you had picked out for him to impress Mikasa with. That you spent extra time in making it look good on him, well it wasn't hard to make anything look good on him as clothes just seem to mold themselves on him. You often teased Jean he should be a model because of his looks. But Marco didn't want to ruin what the three of you had so he quelled his feelings for you just letting those smiles show when you weren't looking.

    

    There was several others that found you attractive and endearing. You excelled in track during high school, played league soccer on the weekends during college and high marks on the majority of your schooling. Sure you weren't going to this semester's classes due to having not enough money to pay for it, your favorite game came out and a bunch of new movies came out and you had a PMS induced shopping spree. Then when it came time to sign up for next semester your bank account said, “fuck no” and you ate ramen. Then working like a slave at the grocery store as night shift manager – going to college to become a biologist and you work as a night shift manager at the local grocery store. Yeah that big degree came into help a lot there. Your parents believed in working during school and no help from them as character building, why weren't your parents like Jean's or Marco's? The both of them got supplement money all the time for school and stuff they were strong in character with the help!

    

    “I caught it!” Jean shouted as he ran back into the house carrying your cell phone high above his head in a victorious look, a small smile graced your lips.

    

    “Hand it here.” You said taking the phone noticing that the battery had dropped down by half, so much for being on battery saver mode.

    

    Marco leaned over your left shoulder as Jean leaned over the right shoulder, watching you rename the magikarp to Suicidal Idiot. That nickname was given to Eren during high school due to him always being the first idiot to jump in for any test or assignment before listening to the rules and getting into trouble. You weren't sure where the nickname came from you just heard Eren bitch about it one day and then you heard it everywhere. Changing the name and then saving the picture you sent it to Jean in a text his phone buzzing in his pocket beside you. Checking your index you noticed he had caught a few other Pokemon for you, the journal saying he hit a few poke-stops as well. That was sweet of him to do that, he really didn't need to walk the extra while to do that for you.

    

    “Okay thanks, (name). Now it's on tumblr, Facebook and the school's site.” Jean _-brayed-_ laughed as he sent all the messages out.

    

    “Uhuh.” You muttered as you printed out a few random files you found on tumblr, you were grabbing at straws.

    

    Jean was pacing around the spare room that served as the study for the three of you and laughed at the remarks being made on the various social media platforms. Marco had left the room to get some coffee he had to get ready for work in a few hours working a night shift he needed to pep up a bit before hand, he wasn't a night owl like you.

    

    “So you find anything yet?” Jean asked as he finished laughing at comments about magikarp-eren.

    

    “Yeah a few things, look through them pick whatever out of them.” You said a little offhandedly your mask faltering a little as you wanted more than anything just to hide in your room for the rest of the day.

    

    Jean didn't pick up on the small crack in your mask – he eagerly took the sheets and started to read through them. You sat back down at the desk grabbing at a comb and started to comb at your hair, slowly braiding parts of it. You would hear Jean mutter parts of poems under his breath as he read them over, he had such a strong reinforcing voice that could build you up or tear you right down.

    

    “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” You heard Jean say, it snapped you out of your thoughts as he walked over to you.

    

     _'That's not a poem. . .'_ You thought as you knew exactly the whole entire psalm and it's meaning burned into your soul.

    

    You weren't exactly religious but this psalm coming from Corinthians, was a favorite of your mother's and it somehow struck a chord with you and became very meaningful.

    

    “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Jean said in his passionate voice, staring into your (e/c) eyes a hand placed over his heart as he closed the distance between the two of you.

    

    He was playing this out as if you were Mikasa, that familiar glazed over look his light brown eyes got, the coppery hair getting into his eyes giving him a dashing look engulfed your vision. His voice was meant to build up all the feeling of the psalm towards Mikasa and make her say yes. With every breath Jean took leaving teasing pauses in the speech, was a stab in your heart it was tearing you down to small little pieces. You felt like your being was being pushed through a rather violent wood chipper – then the remains through a paper shredder. Your (e/c) eyes stared at him wide eyed, this was the most meaningful set of words you've ever heard.

    

     **Stab** – **stab** – **stab**. With every beat your stupid heart made the knife stabbed into your heart making you feel like you were going to pass out right there. You had paled then flushed to a deep red he had said that even more passionately than any other love stories, songs or pick up lines he has come across so far. _Why_? Why did it have to be this? Your breath caught up in your lungs not moving you started to feel a bit light headed why did this always feel like he was confessing to you every time? Damn your feelings!

    

     **Crack**.

    

    This was for _her_ – not _you_. It hit you like a dead parrot right to the face your stomach tightened in pain as your brain filed away all the emotions and thoughts in their proper spot. It hurts, this isn't for me, he doesn't love me, he doesn't care what I think, he doesn't care that I want him to say that to me and mean it. It's for Mikasa. This is for my best friend to be happy. . .I just want him happy. All you could hear was you heart beating in your ears, everything around you started to become fuzzy – why was this painful?

    

    “I guess this is a yes.” Jean said breaking the silence, not really picking up the flood of emotions running through your body.

    

    You shoved yourself past Jean knocking him to the side some as you rushed to your room, taking your phone with you. You shocked yourself on how you managed not to tear up in his presence a few drops dropping down your cheek as you grabbed for your jacket and purse. Grabbing a mophi charger you plugged it in to your phone, taking the keys to your car you rushed out of the house.

    

    “Hey (name) where are you going? What is wrong? I need your help here!” Jean called out to you rushing to the door.

    

    “I gotta go.” Was all you could say, holding back a sob that want to jump from your throat at the shocked look he gave you as he noticed a few tears that went down your face.

    

    “Good going, Jean.” Marco said as you roughly put your car in reverse leaving the parking lot heading out of the apartment complex.

    

    “What happened?” Jean asked, running his hand through his coppery hair, completely confused.

    

    “1 Corinthians 13:4-7? That's her most favorite saying ever, she has _'Love It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.'_ tattooed on her shoulder. Don't your remember when we all went with her to get it done?” Marco asked, he remembered it clearly you were nervous but you wanted to get the tattoo done in memorial to your mother after her loosing battle with cancer.

    

    “I briefly remember it. . .” Jean said as his mind flashed to bits and pieces of your naked back being tattooed by a close friend of Eren's.

    

    He had spent a lot of the time flirting with a female friend of Mikasa's in hope to make her jealous. It was fruitless and caused a lot of headache because the poor girl Christa thought he was into her seriously when he was just using her to get at Mikasa. (Name) hadn't talked to him much during that week long flirtation they had gotten into a fight she told him to never treat a woman like that. He was desperate! It took him forever to cover up the bruises he got from (name) and Christa's best friend Ymir, he didn't even receive one glance from Mikasa. Hell he would have taken a smack if it meant that he was breaking down at that wall of hers! So needless to say he was avoiding you some during your tattoo session despite you had temporarily forgiven him to join on this life goal of yours.

    

    Driving to see your friend Bertl and Sasha who worked at a bar downtown, it wasn't a normal haunt for you because of the distance. It didn't matter you wanted to see a friendly face that didn't remind you of the horse-face you wanted to forget. Listening to Three Day's Grace “I hate everything about you” very loudly your car vibrating as the music blasted through the speaker. You were crying and yelling out the lyrics to the song with such passion that the people beside you in traffic were staring at you wide eyed.

    

    Pulling into the parking lot turning the music down as you got out of the car, had you noticed your phone you would have seen all the missed calls from Jean and Marco. But the phone was at the bottom of your purse with the volume on low from earlier when Jean was playing Pokemon. Entering the dark lit bar you went to the counter sitting on a stool, the place didn't have a lot of people in it at this time of day in about a hour it would pick up and be busy. Sasha worked as a line cook their and Bertl as a bartender, he originally signed on as a bouncer but his personality just didn't sit well as a bouncer.

    

    “Hey (name), you okay?” Bertl asked as he walked up to you plucking a glass from the counter, “usual?”

    

    “Uhuh.” You grunted as you spotted Connie joking with Sasha as he leaned over the counter staring at her as she was washing a few dishes.

    

    “Jean?” Bertl asked, placing a double shot of whiskey for you.

    

    “He's not coming. . .” You said automatically, not picking up that he was questioning you if your problem was due to Jean and not if he was going to show up for the night.

    

    “Did he say something rude or do something boorish?” Bertl persisted, he was using his therapist training on you.

    

    Bertl always admired how well you put up with Jean specially with his constant bickering with Eren and his desires for Mikasa.

    

    “I really don't want to talk about it Bertl.” You said as Connie sidled up next to you a broad grin on his face.

    

    “Hey (name) guess what?” Connie said excitedly you could smell the booze on his breath and the faint scent of cigarettes.

    

    “What?” You said derisively, normally with Connie you would joke back at him like _'chicken butt'_ , but you weren't feeling it.

    

    He noticed that pausing for a second but he was in such a good mood that your bad mood wasn't going to affect him for too long.

    

    “Sasha said she would go on a date with me! It's been like a year! I just gotta cook for her.” He said proudly, he had been wanting to date Sasha for a while now.

    

    In fact he had the gall to ask you for help since you were just so wonderful in your help with Jean and Mikasa. You smirked told him some lame thing that you knew Sasha would fall for as long as good food was involved he would win. A lot asked for your opinion on love as you are a fairly approachable girl, some compared you to as Marco's twin.

    

    “Wonderful.” You said downing the shot, letting the burning alcohol numb you some, signaling with your index finger to Bertl for another.

    

    By the time Bertl had given you a total of eight shots of whiskey you started to feel the numbness you wanted. Lips started to feel numb, your vision blurred a little, hearing became a bit distorted, depth perception was off and your self control gone. Taking the cigarette from Connie's mouth you took a drag off it, glad that he smoked menthol – Jean and his love of non-menthol made it easier for you to quit since you only really smoked when drinking. But you did have requirements of the cigarette it needed menthol. Had you known that Jean had switched to non-menthol so you would quit it would have made you love him more than you already did.

    

    “Hey easy on those, they aren't regular cigarettes.” Connie warned you as you took another log drag, letting out a large plume of smoke his way.

    

    “Good.” You muttered, taking another drag, not really caring on whatever it was laced with.

    

    In your drunken state you didn't notice that Bertl had watered down your next shot by a lot so it tasted enough of alcohol so you wouldn't call him out on switching it to water on you. He saw you hit your limit as you were barely on the seat now, Connie was sitting close to you allowing his body to be used as a support beam. He was a good friend like that, you did help him get a date with Sasha after all. You still hadn't said why you were so mad and why you wanted to drink yourself into oblivion. The bar started to get busy as the night people showed up noticing you drunk already they ignored you and went on their way to join you on drunkenness.

    

    A plate of nachos landed in front of you with a smiling look from Sasha who took a nacho off the plate, normally she would refrain from eating in front of customers but it was you. You were the coolest person she knew and adored you for your cooking talents. Honestly who would make a seven layer cake for a huge group of people for a late birthday?!

    

    “On the house!” Sasha said cheerfully, ignoring your sour look and drunken aura.

    

    You were hungry, and craved cheese when fully drunk she knew that weakness. You dug into the extra-cheesy nachos chugging the watered down whiskey. Finally feeling a little better your head not swimming so much as the nachos soaked up some of the booze in your system.

    

    “I **hate** love.” You stated it caught the attention of your friends, you never really stated your feelings to that emotion either way before so this was odd.

    

    That mask of yours involved never really talking about it the less you talked about your personal thoughts on it the better. Despite being asked about it often you talked about the general things on the subject nothing heartfelt. But the stabbing pain was bothering you too much not to say it, being drunk broke a lot of that mask allowing you to stupidly say what you thought.

    

    “Hmm?” Connie murmured as he handed you another cigarette lighting one up for himself.

    

    “It's a stupid emotion! A stupid second hand feeling. It's pointless.” Was all you could say, before grabbing the bottle from Bertl ripping it free from his large hands, them being sweaty made it easy for you to get it.

    

    Taking a swig you felt the wave of fire burn through you as your body shook a little as the liquid went down your throat, numb again. _'It's better this way'_ , you thought as you took another drag on the cigarette.

    

    “What did Horse-face say this time?” Connie asked, leaning forward looking into your dazed eyes.

    

    “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” You repeated the earlier phrase, slurred and sluggishly as your brain was in slow-motion as it was fighting against the alcohol.

    

    “Oh that's sweet.” Sasha said, a happy smile on her face as she took another nacho.

    

    “Wasn't that your quote in the yearbook? Love is patient, love is kind?” Bertl asked as he remembered thinking that your quote would be something sarcastic like Jean's.

    

    “Yes it's sweet! It's perfect and he said it in that sexy voice and his eyes so intense. It felt like a fucking knife was being stabbed in my heart because it's all for Mikasa!” You shouted taking the last swig of the alcohol, clasping a hand to your aching head it was rivaling in pain with your heart.

    

    “Oh.” Was the collective sound, the other shoe dropped they finally figured out your feelings towards Jean.

    

    You noticed Bertl was texting someone looking rather upset, it irked you for some reason it was nothing wrong but for some reason it bothered you. Leaning over the counter you tipsily stared at the message.

    

    _'_ _Please come and pick up (name) she's in a lot of pain.'_ It was to Marco and Jean as a group text.

    

    “DON'T HIT SEND I AM FINE!” You shouted angrily knocking over the shot glass and bottle sending them to the floor as you tried for the phone in Bertl's grip.

    

    Connie grabbed you as you almost toppled over head first on the other side of the counter, Sasha helped tip you back up right.

    

    “Come here, drunkie.” Sasha said as she went around the counter to your side, wrapping a arm around you she brought you to the back room.

    

    “Why does he love her so much? She has never – ever shown any signs of liking him in the least.” You said angrily allowing all the emotions to break through.

    

    “Hey your phone is ringing off the hook.” Connie said as he brought your purse to the back room, handing it over to you.

    

    It was barely audible but you could hear the ring tone belong to Jean, Uptown Funk. You really wanted to throw your phone at the wall then again you wanted to hold the phone close to your heart pressing the comical picture of Jean close to you. This freaking hurt! Taking a deep breath running fingers through your semi braided hair, you slid the bar open to answer the phone.

    

    “(Name) you really shouldn't. . .” Sasha gently warned knowing this wouldn't be good.

    

    “Hey Jean.” You said stiffly, pressing the phone tightly against your ear wishing he was standing beside you instead of wherever he was, probably standing at the steps of Mikasa's driveway doing his normal prep call.

    

    “Stay where you are I'm coming for you.” He said, softly knowing that your head was hurting because of how bad you slurred his name despite feeling like you said it clearly.

    

    “I'm fine just go to Mikasa – that – that will work. Just be _happy_ okay?” You said weakly sounding bitter and tired.

    

    “No you need me.” He said firmly, your heart stopped in your chest as he said that.

    

    “No. . .”

    

    “(Name) listen to me, just stay put don't even walk anywhere okay? Play Pokemon or show off that picture of Pokemon-eren.”

    

    “Please. . .just go to her.” You cried, the phone line went dead as he hung up focusing on driving.

    

    “It's okay, here have a glass of water.” Sasha said calmly, she was use to dealing with drunks at the bar but it did hurt to see her best friend in tears like this.

    

    “Why does he have to be like this? So charming and wonderful but then direct it all at her? I just wish he would see me. But I guess I'm not aloof enough or should I dye my hair? He talks about her hair often. . .perhaps I should dye it black.” You said grabbing at your hair pulling on it roughly, hating it's existence.

    

    “Your hair is perfectly fine! And stay the lovable teddy bear you are, the world needs more people like you!” Sasha encouraged you wrapping a arm around you hugging you tightly.

    

    “Jean is just a idiot.” Connie said from the entry way.

    

    “He's smart. . .” You slurred defensively.

    

    “He's a idiot that he can't see that you love him dearly that you put your own happiness away for his happiness. How long has he been such a idiot for the Ice Queen? Like four years?” Connie said looked at your crying form, anger bubbling up in him.

    

    “You two are cute together.” Bertl said as he entered in the back room, he handing you a few napkins to dry your eyes on.

    

    “Yeah a horse and her trainer.” Sasha laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

    

    “Haha, did you see the picture Eren posted?” Connie asked as he plucked out his phone.

    

    “I did. . .we posted the fish one about Eren.” You remarked taking a sip of the water finally, allowing the cool water ease your pained head.

    

    _Nothing could heal your breaking heart._

    

     _He would never see reason._

    

    “(Name)!” Hearing your name shouted out loud interrupting the casual silence in the bar as Jean busted through the place.

    

    Connie and Bertl made room for the well built male to get into the back room of the bar to see you. His light brown eyes went wide as he saw you sitting next to Sasha, the cold cup of water pressed against your aching head, eyes red with tears. Marco came in behind him, his brown eyes equally wide in shock at your appearance. Jean knelt down in front of you placing his hands on your knees gripping them tight as he stared at you, the look of shock felt like a stab to the heart.

    

    “ **Go**.” You muttered.

    

    “ **No**.” He answered.

    

    “Hey let's move on out of here, okay?” Marco said reading the temperature of the room, guiding the others out of the place.

    

    Sasha closed the door behind her as she gave you a soft smile.

    

    The two of you sat there in silence for a few moments, he was trying to figure out what was going on while you were just ignoring him. Dabbing at your eyes, smearing eye shadow and mascara some it didn't matter why did you wear makeup anyway, he never complimented it. Sure you wore the makeup for your own enjoyment but you did also wear to impress Jean with your long lashes, big (e/c) eyes, nice full red lips and nice clear skin tone. But he never said a thing about it, sure a lot of others did but you wanted to know how it would feel if he said something. Sure it felt nice when Marco said the eye shadow was a nice shade but how much better would it feel coming from the person you love? So now that your makeup was a mess and your hair looked rough, it would be the time he would remark on it to say you look like _crap_. You felt his head rest on your lap, looking down at him he was looking up at you a handsome look playing on his face.

    

    “You are a horse.” You muttered, sourly trying to be mean.

    

    “I know. I secretly eat hay and oats, I like to gallop when I chase Pokemon.” He joked smiling up at you, reaching a hand up brushing away a few tear drops.

    

    “I should correct that – you are a _ass_.” You tried again to sound rude, aloof like Mikasa.

    

    It sounded weak, sad, miserable – lost.

    

    “But I'm your ass.” He countered.

    

    “I wish.” You said bitterly, eyes going wide as you said that - that was like a practical confession.

    

    “So is it true what Bertl said?” He asked after a few minutes of silence watching the strangled expression on your face.

    

    “Depends what did he say?” You replied, shaking a little would you have to go to jail for killing the gentle giant?

    

    “You love me.”

    

     _Jail time. . .by Bertl._

    

    “I want you to be happy – that will make me. . .h-h – fine.” You choked out, as he placed a hand back to your face caressing your cheek gently.

    

    “No I want you happy too.” He said locking eyes with you.

    

    “But what I really what I can't have. . .so I will just settle. Perhaps I will get over you and fall in love with someone who would actually love a idiot like me. A pathetic loser.” You said stabbing at yourself, hating yourself for stepping all over your self confidence.

    

    “(Name) you are not a idiot and you are not a pathetic loser. You are a wonderful, magnificent, sexy woman.” He said as he sat up, sitting down next to you wrapping a arm around you gently.

    

    “It hurts.”

    

    “What hurts?” He asked stupidly, thinking you had harmed yourself some how as he thought he hugged fairly gently.

    

    “When you touch me, when you talk to me, when you spout those love things to me thinking of Mikasa looking at me as if I was her. It hurts me, Jean. It feels like I am being stabbed, I can't do it anymore. I can't live with you anymore I can't help you with her anymore.” You said decisively, you had to break away from this toxic feeling.

    

    “No, please don't go, (Name) I can't go on without you.”

    

    “You will have to.”

    

    “No, you don't understand.”

    

    “I do perfectly well, all the time I did understand I just didn't want to accept it I wanted to be your friend until the end. But I can't keep on doing this Jean. I love you.”

    

    All the sudden your blurred vision was blocked all you could see was bright brown eyes staring at you intensely, they burned into your soul. You wanted to cry more. A hand snaked behind your head pulling you forward warm, smooth slightly damp lips pressed against yours kissing you passionately.

    

    “Perhaps I love you too.” Jean whispered as he broke away from the kiss staring into your eyes.

    

    “Perhaps?”

    

    “Maybe I've been blind to it all these years because I go so stubborn on that bone I'll never get.” He said brushing a few of your tears away, leaning into you a little. “Maybe some of those times I read those poems, stories, sung those songs I was doing them for you.”

    

    “But Mikasa. . .”

    

    “(Name) I have been stupid for too long. Can we try this? I can't stand the thought of loosing someone who has been part of my life since I practically form coherent sentences in front of the opposite sex. Someone that gets my humor who doesn't freak out when I argue with Eren but enjoys my humor and my odd personality. Someone who has a wonderful smile like yours.”

    

    “I don't have pretty black hair. . .”

    

    “So? I have two-toned hair!” He said playfully tugging on his hair.

    

    “I like your hair.” You said gently running your fingers through the coarse hair, admiring the color.

    

    He leaned closer again kissing you briefly, nipping on your lower lip wrapping his arms around you pulling you close.

    

    “Jean.” You whispered against his kiss.

    

    “(Name) – I love you.” He said deepening the kiss, your heart started to beat like mad as he slipped his tongue inside your mouth.

    

    Moving your right hand through his hair pulling on it a little caused him to kiss you harder and wrap his arms around you tighter. After a few moments the need for air beckoned for the both of you to break free, resting foreheads against each other staring longingly at each other.

    

    “Jean I love you – I want to try this with you.”

    

    “Good I'm happy. Let's go home okay? I'm sure you want to sober up at home where I can attend to your needs.”

    

    “Can we hit up the gas station by the apartment? It's a poke-stop. . .” You said a soft smile playing on your lips as he helped you to your feet, a arm firm against your waist.

    

    “Okay, Marco is driving though, I want to sit in the back with you.” He said kissing the side of your face, placing your purse in your hands.

    

    “Well – I guess I'm the third wheel.” Marco said as his heart dropped, noticing how the two of you were holding each other as you exited the back room.

    

     _'At least she's happy – he's happy – so I'm happy.'_ Marco thought as he put up another layer of the mask, putting on a saintly smile paying the tab for (Name).


End file.
